erotophilia.com

Question:
I’m 32 and have been smoking for about 10 years now. I’ve tried to quit a few times but never really had a huge desire to do it. A friend of mine said that he read that smoking can cause impotency. Getting girls isn’t easy for me anyway, but that would be devastating. Is that true? (Ryan J., Jackson, MS)

I’m sorry to tell you that it is, in fact, true that smoking can lead to a huge increase in the likelihood to experience impotency. It’s 2006, Ryan. I would think that you’d have seen a thing or two about how smoking isn’t good for you. If getting girls is already hard for you and you don’t want to quit, maybe you can take out a personal ad:

Wanted: Hot chicks! About me – Intelligent, college-educated, 32, 5’10”, 185 lbs., well dressed, enjoys romance, no games. Also: yellow teeth, graying skin, brittle hair, constant stink (not just me – all my possessions, too), halitosis, high risk for cancer, stroke, and heart disease. Ladies – call now for limp dick special!

I’m sure you’ll get a shitload of responses.