“Ready when you are!”Yes. A Dirty Sanchez is more famous than a Cleveland Steamer, but not quite as famous as the famous Shocker. There are a lot of things people do that aren’t going to be for you. It’s all perspective, though; people who do these things don’t find them disgusting at all. I met a girl from Texas that thought that doggy-style sex was disgusting and only for perverts.

Even though a Dirty Sanchez isn’t my personal cup of tea either, you have to admit that the name is creative. In fact, here are some names for sex acts I came up with that just don’t sound all that fun to me, personally. Here are my top 10. Fuck it, top dozen:

1. Menage-a-claws
2. The Vagina Pirate
3. The Fish N’ Chips
4. Square Peg, Round Hole
5. Wishboning
6. The Mud Shovel
7. Missionary: Impossible
8. Paddleballs
9. Touring Viet N.A.M.B.L.A.
10. That Won’t Fit
11. The Coccyx
12. Curried Chutes and Bladders

Unfortunately, maybe never. This really isn’t a matter of sexual maturity. It’s great that you’re more open to more ideas now, but people aren’t guaranteed to evolve into engaging in any sort of sexual practice. Sure, most people evolve sexually over their lifetime, but not necessarily into anything in particular. Sometimes it’s this, sometimes it’s that, sometimes it’s a minor difference, and sometimes it’s a major one. No matter how old I get, I still don’t really fully appreciate British humo(u)r, even though someone told me I’d “eventually get it.” If you can figure out how to map exactly where someone will end up sexually and how to get there, you’ll be rich, famous, and go down in sexological history. I’ll write you E-mails!

Swinging works for millions of people, but all partners must be in agreement. My advice to you is to just wait on this. Constantly pressuring your wife into it is just going to turn her off to the idea more and more. And mentally manipulating her so that she reluctantly agrees to do it will leave your experience short of where you wish it would be. Maybe she’ll eventually be interested in this and maybe she won’t. Maybe you’ll maintain interest and maybe you won’t.

None of this means that you can’t work with this issue. What part is it about swinging that you think you’d really enjoy? Bring those ideas into the bedroom, if possible. Would you enjoy watching her go down on some other man while you pleasured her? Maybe see if she’d perform oral sex on her vibrator as you have sex with her. Is the idea of having sex with someone new attracting you to this idea? Role play. Or perhaps go out and pick her up in a bar like she’s a total stranger; flirt, buy her drinks, seduce her as you might someone brand new. You can use your fantasies to make it as real as possible. Be creative with ways to substitute what you would like from each other that you’re having a hard time getting. Best of luck!

- Roberta Flack, “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face”

Question:
Basic question here: how can I tell when I’m over someone and ready to be with someone else? (C.G., Boston, MA)

Here is a situation concerning a person I dated, how I personally view it, and how I make it work for me. Maybe this example will help clear things up a little bit for you too.
We’ve all been here

I’ve seen a lot of relationships and been envious of very few. I see a lot of phoniness, relationships of convenience, and people together for all the wrong reasons. But I knew that my relationship with her was something incredibly, incredibly special. I’d never felt anything like that; it was something totally different than all the rest I’d ever been in. It was comparing apples to oranges, as the saying goes.

In every way, I found her to be the most beautiful thing that I’d ever seen. We showed each other our best and our worst and remained together because we believed in each other as individuals and believed in us as a couple.

It’s interesting to think of all the things we are taught and all we are not. People are taught a million things growing up: how to read, how to use a stove without burning their hands, how to fold a towel, how to drive, and so on. But we’re never taught some of the things that are imperative in relationships; we’re somehow expected to learn them as we go and by trial and error. I, like many others, never learned how to trust someone to give them all of my feelings, so I’d always held something back, which isn’t fair. I also never learned how to forgive someone that I loved when they hurt me. And I certainly never learned what to do when you find someone who is perfect for you. It sounds like such a great thing, but it can be one of the most overwhelming feelings you ever experience because you want it to work out more than you want anything else in your life. And sometimes, by the time you start to realize these things, it’s too late to make everything right.

Making her cry was the worst thing I’ve ever done and just thinking about it hurts me more than anything I’ve ever lost, never achieved, failed at, or I could really explain here.

And now she’s gone. We had talked about “forever” but this isn’t the kind of “forever” I thought we meant.

Who we were at the time we made our memories, we’ll always be – that man will always love that woman and that woman will always love him just as much. I still miss so many things about her, namely counting on – and believing in – us. I still think about her every day and wonder, wonder, and wonder. I made her an enormous part of my life and now that she’s gone, that life as I knew it is too.

The pain is normal. But don’t think that because you feel pain you can’t move on. What happened between the two of you obviously affected you, so the hurting is expected. Truthfully, and unfortunately, it may be felt for a long, long time. If you think about it, you probably still don’t feel great about the moment you found out you didn’t get that job you really wanted or a pet that died when you were a kid. You may never feel perfectly fine about this situation either.

What I realized, and what you must too, is that you have to move on. They have. They have their own life going, and whether it’s them being alone or them with someone else – it’s still them without you. There is no other option; you can’t stay closed off and emotionally unavailable forever in hopes they will change their mind about you or that it will work out somehow. Knowing when to let go and move forward it is the hard part. You don’t want to do it when you’re emotionally unavailable, angry at life, or will be anything but the best person you can be to whomever it is you end up with next. I don’t know if you’re there. Maybe you don’t even know if you’re there. There’s only one way to find out, though.

I’m sorry to tell you that it is, in fact, true that smoking can lead to a huge increase in the likelihood to experience impotency. It’s 2006, Ryan. I would think that you’d have seen a thing or two about how smoking isn’t good for you. If getting girls is already hard for you and you don’t want to quit, maybe you can take out a personal ad:

Wanted: Hot chicks! About me – Intelligent, college-educated, 32, 5’10”, 185 lbs., well dressed, enjoys romance, no games. Also: yellow teeth, graying skin, brittle hair, constant stink (not just me – all my possessions, too), halitosis, high risk for cancer, stroke, and heart disease. Ladies – call now for limp dick special!

I’m sure you’ll get a shitload of responses.

For those of you who have visited the original site and liked the design, it’ll still be there for your enjoyment. In the meantime, all of the articles from the old site will slowly be moved over so don’t be surprised if you see the same article on both sites.

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• Ability to Tag and Categorize Articles
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